Wow, You Guys

"Geez, she had one negative pregnancy test and disappeared off the face of the Earth."

I know. But seriously guys, it's been a crazy few months. My little department of two at work turned into one. The guy who recruited me to work with him resigned after 23 years with the company! And he had the nerve to have his last day on my one year anniversary with the company! You may remember that my company had a very bad year last year but luckily things have been much better. I am very impressed by our new CEO and we would all surely be out of jobs without her. But we still have a long way to go. Anyway, I could go on and on about how stressful my job has been but suffice it to say... I've been stressed.

Couple work stress with raising a two-and-a-half-year-old and baby making has just taken a back seat this time around. It is all I can do to use my OPKs early and often enough. Seriously, I could tell you my cycle day, BBT, and anything else cycle related every day last time. This time I have had to look back at the calendar and try to recruit hubby into helping me remember the first day of my last period.

Then things weren't happening quickly like I expected. That first month I had a positive OPK but then a BFN. Then the second month it turned out that ovulation was probably going to happen over our Christmas trip. When I was super sick. And we were sleeping in the guest room at my in-laws' house. With our toddler in the same bedroom. Right next door to MIL and FIL. It was not a conducive situation, to say the least. We gave it a last ditch effort the day we got home but too little, too late it seemed. Month three seemed to bring about no ovulation. So I got doc to up it to 100 mg of clomid for this month.

And then... anybody still reading? This morning I used what was supposed to be a super sensitive pregnancy test (10 mIU/mL detection limit). One of the dip kinds. To an amateur it would have looked negative but my keen eye saw the faintest little line. On my lunch break I got a digital test (supposedly less sensitive at 25 mIU/mL detection limit) and lo and behold, after three minutes there was the one word: Pregnant.

I'm pregnant you guys! By my calculations I am 3 weeks 4 days. I know; it's extremely early. So I'm quite nervous yet given my 50% success rate of pregnancy leading to an actual baby but I'm throwing it out there to y'all anyway. I'll keep you posted. :)

Bummer.

Got my period on Friday.

This was the first time that I've been trying to get pregnant, actually ovulated, and failed to get pregnant. :(

Oh well, better luck next month.

Go Time!

Just got this:

Which explains the feeling of toting around grapefruits in my abdomen for the last two days. Today only the right ovary still hurts. Never experienced that particular symptom the last time around. Yeeowch. Praying for only one egg!

And also, today, this:

Sorry, I can't tell you what my wish was!

Trying for Baby #2

Is that an empty fiver of clomid? Why yes, friends, it is!

We're officially trying.

This time around is different and weird so I have no idea what is going on right now. I took the fifth pill on Friday. But apparently the world has changed drastically since my last rodeo in 2009. I didn't have a period this time and I wasn't given progesterone to induce one. I'm told now if you don't have a natural period you just start taking the clomid and call that Day 1. Except then all the days are different than a normal cycle and I have no idea when to expect ovulation. I pretended that the clomid was days 5-9 (what my doc would do with a period) and started testing for ovulation today, Day 11. No line yet; no surprise. So, we wait. I wasn't going to temp this time around because I'm all cocky having a success under my belt and everything. But then I decided that this is so different and it would be nice to have the info. So I guess I better start that tomorrow.

To back up, I was supposed to quit birth control and start the clomid the same month. That would have been easier because I would have had a "period". But oh woe the headaches I was having! I think I told you about my two trips to urgent care. I couldn't take it anymore. So I quit the birth control but I wasn't ready to take the clomid yet. For one thing because any resulting baby would have been due at the same time as C's birthday but more importantly because I was lazy and hadn't been taking my folic acid long enough (naughty!).

On a side note I am still having headaches almost daily. Some days are worse than others but at least no more migraines (knock on wood). I am not sure if it is still hormonal or from my neck being a mess or a little of both. I went to a new chiropractor on Black Friday (they had a promotion called "Back Friday", heh heh). They did some scan along my spine and he proceeded to say, "Your neck is messed up young lady" and then he looked at the info sheet I filled out and said, "Oh, and here you have indicated that your neck is messed up". Long story short he gave me the craziest, scariest, biggest adjustments of my life, I almost cried from relief, and now we are best friends. There is still work to be done to make up for the long time I have been without a proper adjustment but I hope it will help with the headaches. God willing.

Well, I detect that C's nap is over. I will keep you posted on the cycle.

And thanks for all the love on my last post. I still have more than 0.4 readers! Very exciting!

So Much to Say, So Overdue

Please excuse me as I clear away all the dust and cobwebs...

I'm a Hoosier y'all!!

Remember my last post 1800 years ago? I pondered what a resident of Indiana is known as... Turns out that it is actually and officially a Hoosier. What exactly is a Hoosier, you ask? Well, nobody agrees on that but all of the possible definitions basically mean hick. So hooray for me(?)!

Anyway, I've been thinking about writing for all of the past 1800 years that I've been gone but it just seems like so much has happened in the meantime that I just don't even know where to start or what to include.

I imagine I have 0.04 readers left so it probably doesn't matter. So maybe I should just make a really vague bullet-type list and if anybody reads and/or cares and/or has questions and/or I feel like elaborating, then I will elaborate. Geez, my reader(s) are so lucky to have my stellar blog. Here we go.

• Moved to Indiana. Yay, there was never a real winter so my Arizona-fied body didn't freeze to death!
• Being away from hubby for four months was far worse than I thought it would be. On the day that he finally arrived with my dad (and his brother who helped drive) for good I bawled on his shoulder for like five minutes. I vaguely remember my BIL taping it.
• C finally got to drinking and tolerating actual cow's milk, but refused it out of a sippy cup - ever. She now drinks it out of a big girl cup and apparently that is an acceptable way to enjoy milk. For awhile all we had was water (refused juice from sippy cup too).
• Hubby got a teaching job here and likes it but he has to bring work home for the first time ever in his 9-year career because Indiana has all these new teacher performance requirements so he has to make goals, gather all this proof, make formal lesson plans, and a bunch of other B.S. that really good teachers like him should not have to do but whatever.
• My job is in the crapper. Yep, the one we moved 1700 miles for. Very shortly after starting, there were a bunch of layoffs and we were on the brink of bankruptcy (this is public knowledge - not revealing company secrets). We lost almost all of our execs to firing or resignation. Since the layoffs, many more people have left. My department can't pull in any work so I am "temporarily" working in a job that I never wanted. Company is still really struggling. Not sure what my next move is.
• We are on the brink of potty training but putting it off a bit because...
• We are headed to Disney World for four days next Friday!! (Goodness gracious, do I need a vacation)
• Having a total midlife crisis about what to do with my life (career) and tired of moving and being laid off and whatnot.
• My kid is hilarious and cute and charming 80% of the time and a teething, terrible-2's mess the other 20%. So, you know, not so bad!
• Was at Urgent Care yesterday and exactly one month before that for the most soul sucking migraines I have ever had. A shot of ketor.olac and a shot of Zofran and, bang, good as new. It's my birth control causing it and killing me and I am kicking it to the curb and gonna get back on the TTC horse next month. Eek!
• What kind of crazy person doesn't know where they will be working or living 6 months from now and yet is still going to try to conceive? Hahahahahahaha, that's me.

And if that was all I posted today I know my readership would most certainly fall to 0.0001 readers. And so, I will leave you with this taste of our 2-year pics from back in July and beg for your forgiveness and for you to come back to me and lead me to believe you care about me:

This Is Really Happening!

Our cars and all of our other stuff was loaded up today to be moved. Can I just say how much I love a full service move (so far)?!

We are staying at my parents until mom, C, and I fly to MN on Monday. She doesn't sleep as well away from home. She is asking for toys that are packed. She's not herself and cried a lot today. :( I have no idea what to expect once we're away from Hubby.

Probably the next time you hear from me I will be an Indiana-er. Um, Indiana-ite? Indian? Indianan? Hey, the next time you hear from me I will be a resident of Indiana! :)

P.S. Blogger is a jerk today and I can't comment on your blogs!

Can You Telepathically Hear Me Now?

You guys can read my thoughts, right? I swear sometimes I think that. I guess when I was young I had what you might call an active imagination. Coupled with a large entourage of imaginary friends. Maybe my blog readers feel like imaginary friends to me. I can't see you but there you are, reading and offering words of encouragement. And I have no proof that you actually exist in real life as the person you say you are (except you, Laura!). So when I compose these blog posts in my head but don't actually post in reality for a long time I guess I feel like you are all updated.

Basically, I've just been waiting to get this move underway. We visited our new town and secured a rental house. It is only two years old and really nice; I am excited. Except that the main living level, including the master bedroom, has no carpet. We are carpet people and swore we would never have a house without carpet, especially in the bedrooms. That will be an adjustment. But the hardwood floors are beautiful!

So the house is set, the job is set, let's get this show on the road! But for all the emphasis from the company on me starting as soon as possible, the lady facilitating the move sure doesn't seem to feel any sense of urgency. Nor does she seem to know anything about the process. We are frustrated but I am trying to accept that it is going to be a last minute sort of thing. They definitely want me to start the first week of February so last night I went ahead and booked airfare for myself, C, and my mom for the last week in January. At least it is Southwest (love them!) so there won't be change fees if worst comes to worst.

We (mom, C, and I) are making a two night pit stop in Minnesota. My grandpa is terminally ill and no one knows how much time he has from months to a year or whatever it may be. (Actually, when I was 12 he was given three years to live based on how bad his heart disease is.) We haven't seen him in a while so it will be good to spend a day with him. He and my mom have a very difficult relationship and she has been agonizing over the decision of going to visit him since early December. I suggested this plan as a way for her to not have to go alone, and of course I can see him too. There will be a lag from when our stuff is picked up here in Arizona to when it is delivered anyway.

Well, that's about it right now. Oh! But one more thing... when I was laid off in October I said I would give it until the end of the year before I applied anywhere besides Minnesota because we have really been hoping to get back there. For one of the jobs I was super interested in, I tried everything short of showing up on their doorstep. I had an ex-wife of a friend's fiancee looking into it (she used to work there). I had the president of my former company, who is a board member there, hunting down the hiring manager. I applied way back in August and had heard nothing...

Until Friday. They want to interview me.

What?

So frustrating. Oh well. I guess I am one of those people that believes everything happens for a reason. I am going to have to be zen about it and try to stop my brain from having those "but..." moments when it tries to think of ways I could still consider the job. Ummm... I have already signed papers accepting my job and flown there twice on their dime! And I am excited. So that's that.

And now, as a thank you to my loyal readers for continuing to follow my blog despite my sporadic posting, complaining, and long rambling posts... enjoy some pics of my one-and-a-half-year-old big girl (as of the 6th!):

You guys are the best!

Major Changes!

Life has gotten completely crazy. My mind is swirling and spinning constantly. I want time to speed up to get over this chaotic period. I want time to slow down so I don't have to begin a very difficult 4+ month period. I can't keep a coherent thought in my head. When anyone asks me a question I stare at them blankly for an inordinate amount of time before I remember who I am, what they asked me, and how I need to answer. I'm not kidding.

Let's just review my 2011

January: Lost my job for the first time

February: C is diagnosed with the birth defect craniosynostosis

March and April: Still out of work; visiting many specialists for C; travelling to Dallas to get expert opinion; finally decide not to have surgery for C

May: Job hunt really heats up and I travel to D.C. and Richmond, VA for interviews

June: My grandma dies; I accept a position to go back to my old employer

July: The one bright spot of the year! All is well. I have a job, we are healthy, we enjoy a 2 week vacation visiting friends and family in Minnesota, we celebrate C's first birthday!

August: I think August was somewhat okay too, but I was starting to stress about job security again

September: Hubby's grandma dies; Hubby is diagnosed with prolactinoma and many medical appointments ensue; more job stress; my hair starts falling out; I have prolonged unexplained bouts of terrible itchy hives

October: Laid off again; Hubby's medical crap drags on; struggling with the hives/rashes

November: Apply to jobs all over the country; more hives and less hair; my grandpa is diagnosed with colon cancer and his heart cannot handle surgery to cure it

December: Job interviews in Michigan and Indiana; decide I'm 99% sure the hair loss (still happening) is from stress and 95% sure the hives are also from stress



But the good news...

I just accepted the job in Indiana! They made a great offer and I really hope I will enjoy the job. The details aren't finalized but I think I will formally start February 1st. Hubby and I have paid airfare, hotel, and rental car to visit for house hunting next week. The company wants to send me home with a laptop so I can do some work and training before I relocate so I can "hit the ground running" when I start for real. Yikes.

The really, really bad news...

After much discussion, Hubby will not be moving with me and C. Don't worry, we're not divorcing. It will be temporary until he finishes this school year at the end of May. He found out that HR and his principal really did not want to let him out of his contract. Even if they did, he would have to disclose that he broke a contract to future employers and that could ruin any chance of getting teaching jobs in the future. Worst case scenario, Arizona could also revoke his license which would also stay on his record.

We decided that his long term career was more important than these four months we will be apart. I know I can do it but I feel so bad for him being away from C, and vice versa. I think it's a terrible age for it. I am so afraid she will feel sad or abandoned and not even be able to express it. I wish that she was old enough for us to explain it to her. He makes her laugh more than anyone. What if things are different between them after it's over? That will kill him. I am sad and worried but I know that it has to be done. My mom is moving with me to help out during the separation.

So anyway, that catches you up. I'm excited about this new job but I'm sad about leaving Hubby. There is so much to be done. So many logistical things. It hurts my head to even think about making a list of what to do! To be continued...

Lotsa Good News

Well, things are doing a bit better on a lot of fronts. Here are some updates:

Hubby went to the doctor for his latest blood test results. So to recap, his prolactin level was over 400 at the time of the first test. It should be less than 20. After a little over a month of treatment the level is now at... 1.6!!!! Completely normal and even the doctor was surprised at how well the medicine worked. The plan is to stay on it a while, then go off and continue testing. Usually, people need several rounds of treatment before the tumors will stay away for good.

My hair seems to have stopped falling out. On my own personal scale of hair-falling-out-ness, I would rate it at low or medium every day for the last week or so. Before that it was high. As a point of reference, post-partum it was apocalyptic. I am going to go ahead and assume it was from changing my birth control. Which, on a different note, I am happy about because my first period was so much better than with the Yas.min. Thank the Lord! Only had headaches two days the whole week.

As for my mystery rashes...things are better. I went to another dermatologist. Apparently, my face was addicted to the steroids. So I guess my face was just 'roid raging. She said your skin on your face quickly becomes accustomed to using the topical steroids and then freaks out when you stop and you just have to get through that bad part. So I was being bad and kind of using them on and off and that was making things BAD. I have to use very gentle cleanser and lotion and use a new prescription topical cream. I also have to make sure my skin doesn't hang out with high school or professional athletes after 9pm on dark street corners. No more 'roids! Anyway, the new treatment regimen seems to have helped a lot. I don't itch much at all anymore and my face and neck look much better. I have also started taking Zyr.tec every day but it seems I might be in the 12% that gets really drowsy from it so I may have to stop. I guess I won't know how much that has helped or not until I stop it.

I also have an interview coming up in Michigan. I have been told it's a lovely area but I have never given much thought to moving to Michigan. So I don't know how I feel about it. But we'll be travelling there soon so we'll see how we like it. For starters I just hope I like the job and company!

Oh, and I still have to tell you about how we are a pacifier-free household!!

Where Do I Start?

I have been meaning to blog for so long, I've just been stressed and tired.

Let's see what we have been up to.

• Hubby had the MRI and they found that his tumor is non-cancerous and is only 1 cm. His doctor expected 2-3 cm so he was pleased. Either it started out smaller than they thought, or more likely, the meds are already shrinking it. Either way, it is good news and no surgery is needed. He has more blood tests this weekend and will have at least one more MRI at some time.


• I had absolutely no activity on my job applications until today. I have a phone interview on Friday.


• We are putting our house on the market tomorrow. It makes me sad but it makes the most sense. Why wait until I have a new job and then we move and can't afford to make payments while we try to sell. This way we are trying to short sell while still making payments to try to salvage our credit as much as possible. I wish it didn't have to be this way but fair market value is not enough to pay off our loan. For us and practically half of the country. I've been looking for jobs here since January when I was laid off the first time; there aren't any for me so I don't know how we can stay. C'est la vie, I guess.


• I'm freaking out a bit about my health. Since mid-September I have been having recurring hives/rashes under my eyes, around my mouth, and on my neck. Nowhere else. I've had three rounds of oral steroids and one round of topical steroids and they keep recurring. I have not changed any of my household or personal products. Oh, and I forgot that my hair is also falling out. Not like at an alarming rate, but at a concerning and sustained rate. You might guess it is stress but this has been going on since before all the stressful events. This week I had a skin patch allergy test. It freaking sucked to have that crap taped to my back for 48 hours and not be able to shower. Today they removed it all and... NOTHING! Nothing was positive. I don't get it because I have had nickel allergy or at least nickel sensitivity all my life. What the heck?! I was so hoping it would give me some answers. So what now? Could I have lupus? Hashimoto's or hypothyroidism? If my hair was not falling out I probably wouldn't be so freaked out. Tonight I went out and bought new laundry detergent, hand soap, and shampoo and conditioner. I can't figure out what else it would be. In the past I have had terrible skin reactions to Tide and Pert shampoo so I know there is something out there that doesn't agree with me. It would really help if I knew what it was.

Ooh, next time I will have to tell you about "The End of the Pacifier and the Serious Repercussions Therein".