Do you know any 1-year-olds that have been kicked out of daycare after one day?
Ooh, ooh, I do! It's my kid.
Yes, you read that right. We were kicked out after one day. She has "graciously" allowed us to return for a half day (really a quarter of a day) on Friday because hubby has a doctor appointment.
So what was the great offense? She cried. Like, really hard. All day. She was inconsolable unless she was being held.
I texted her at about noon yesterday:
Me: If you have a quick moment could you let me know how C is doing? If not, I understand.
Daycare: Shes been having a rough day she was fine for about an hour then wants to be held and crying whenever I have to put her down. Has she been left for a long period with a stranger before like this?
Me: I'm sorry to hear that. I was afraid it would be a rough transition. She has only been with strangers at the church nursery twice for about 1.5 hrs.
Daycare: She is having a hard time and that makes sense that shes been left for that long before because she was fine for the first hour.
Me: I'm sorry! This can't be easy for you either.
Daycare: it comes with the job, on your paperwork it says this is for socialization? She may need a more gradual transition, she is sitting down eating now and calm, got a late lunch because she didnt want to eat with the other kids just be held, now that they are down for a nap she seems to be interested in eating, we'll see how it goes when they are back up
Me: What kind of transition would you suggest? (Not knowing if she means an easier transition to her house, like half days or something...)
Daycare: more periods like church regularly, increase to playdates where she is left for 1 to 2 hours increase to adding a weekly social experience at a library or barnes and noble story time or a little gym class or if you go to a gym and it has a daycare while u work out for an hour or more, a kids yoga class if your interested in that, maybe a swim class for socialization, then once she is used to strangers and a lot of other kids, eating with them and being put down by a nap by a stranger try a full day of care then add days as you need and she tolerates, she just seems scared and doesnt seem to know what to make of the schedule, plus if shes not been with someone this long the fear of being left is there, being with family and u is comfortable and a known quantity, sharing a stranger with other strange kids can be overwhelming
I called hubby to tell him what she texted and to tell him to find out what she means. Does she want this to be more gradual? Is she essentially saying she just thinks this is too overwhelming and she doesn't want her in her daycare anymore? I was so confused so I told hubby to get all the details.
When he picked up C the lady essentially told him that C "is not ready" and "it's not a good fit" (because she is too structured, I guess). He asked if we should try for another week or two and she said no. Unless it goes way better on Friday then that will be the end of it.
There was a lot more that was said and before I go into that or our reactions to it I would LOVE to hear feedback/reactions from anyone reading this, especially if you have worked at a daycare or have a child in daycare.
Tune in next time for more tales from our failed daycare attempt...
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We had a failed attempt at daycare at 18 months. She had been home full-time with Daddy up until that point and had never had a non-family babysitter. First day, she cried and cried when we left. Then she wouldn't fall asleep at naptime (we told them she needed to be rocked with a bottle to fall asleep--yes, still, at 18 mos--which they did, but she didn't go down) and apparently she was crying and making a ruckus so they asked my husband to come pick her up. Rest of the week pretty much went the same so we decided on our own to pull her out.
ReplyDeleteJill, I found your post through Ashlie's blog. I will chime in as a former Infant & Toddler teacher. I worked in day care centers for about 15 years before retiring to have my own kids.
ReplyDeleteFor her to dismiss you after one day is amazingly unprofessional.
I will tell you, 12-15 months is the hardest time to start a child in out of the home care. Ideally, 4 months is the easiest on baby and Mom.
Any good caregiver should understand that this will be a hard transition for your 13 month old child. Generally, it will take 2 full weeks for a child to become comfortable in daycare. To turn you away after only one day may have been a blessing. She may not be the most patient caregiver and ultimately not the person you want caring for your child.
You mentioned she runs a structured program. That is fine - kids thrive on routine, but anyone working with small children must have flexibility.
Is this a home daycare? I prefer day care centers because there are many more adults in the building. A director or assistant director can come in to help comfort the new child and give the teacher a break from the crying if need be.
Did you do any transitioning with your daughter before this first day? When a new child was starting in my program, I'd suggest to Mom (if she is able) to begin with a couple visits of about an hour where Mom stays to play, too. This will let your daughter see that you like the place, too. Then, try a couple short days. Maybe 2 hrs at a time, 3 days a week for 1 week. Then, try the full time after she has gotten comfortable with the new caregiver in her life.
I hope you can find the perfect early childhood setting for your little girl.
Sounds like great advice from another Jill, above.
ReplyDeleteC started daycare at five months...he naps horribly for them still, and he cries when we leave him about 50% of the time. But he stops crying quickly, with distraction, and now, at 15 mos, he has increased to hour+ naps (at home, the norm is at least two hours...)
Good luck. I agree about centers. We pay a premium for ours, but I feel so much more comfortable than with the few in home providers I interviewed. We also only do part time, three days a week.
I cannot offer any advice on this one. I do think it is weird that the daycare is suggesting you not come back. I mean, isn't this their business? To care for kids?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry :(
When I was a nanny, if I worked for the first time with a family and a toddler, sometimes the toddler would cry and cry when Mom left for work. I can remember sitting on the floor by the front door, consoling one little guy. He sobbed for almost 2 hours ny the front door, then started getting tired, so I laid with him on the floor. We napped together by the front door. When he woke up, I tried to make him giggle and I sang songs. We were in the kitchen eating shortly thereafter and playing as if we knew each other for years.
I think about that all the time when i think about how hard it is for kids to be with caregivers other than mommy or daddy.
Oh how heartbreaking for both you and C! I do agree that the timing is a little rough. I know that Ella has been in a clingy phase lately, and she's been at daycare since 3 months. She loves the daycare workers, but still prefers me and has been throwing fits when I leave. I can imagine that it's just as tough for C--perhaps even tougher since it's new. But can I sign up for a play date?! I'll respond to your email. We're on! :)
ReplyDeletemy husband got kicked out of preschool for crying all day everyday!! i am very scared for when i go back to work and have to leave blaine. :( but i hope to take him over to the lady's house periodically this year so he can meet her and the other kids. i'm sooo sorry this happened. good luck. :(
ReplyDeleteI am a Director of a daycare center (for about 3.5 years) and have worked in the daycares from birth-12 for 5 years before that and I can say that it is silly to do that after one day. I would give it a week. If she was making herself physically ill because she was so distraught or doing things that are self destructive like banging her head into a wall, I would suggest that the parent come to be with her for a few days in the room and then start slowly leaving her alone for bits of time which would help the child understand that the person isn't a stranger and their trusted loved one (mom/dad) also trusts this person. Yikes! Find a new center.
ReplyDelete