We've only just begun

So here we are, staring down an uncertain future of infertility struggles. I can't claim I didn't see this coming, but I'm not sure that makes it any easier. At 19 I was diagnosed with PCOS. At the time I knew I would probably one day be in this position, but at 19 it was pretty easy to put to the back of my mind.

I finished college, got married, then went to graduate school. Grad school gave me another five years' worth of excuses for not trying to start our family. I wasn't worried; we married young and I thought it best, in our years of limited income, to wait. By the time I was 27 I got a few raised eyebrows from a doctor that knew I had PCOS but was not yet ttc. I knew her look was saying what some family and friends already had: "You aren't getting any younger, honey".

Fast forward to today. We ttc'd with Clomid for just one cycle about 2 years ago but employment uncertainties and a terrible OB put an end to further attempts. We have been not NOT trying since. But I don't believe that I ovulate at all without help, so those tries were probably all futile. I started again in earnest in January of this year. On my first try with Clomid we had success. I had steeled myself against disappointment so I could scarcely believe I was pregnant so soon. Unfortunately, just after I had accepted it and celebrated, I lost the pregnancy at about 6 weeks. We were devastated of course, but quickly became hopeful. If we could do it once, we could do it again, right? Right?

Since the m/c in March, it has been a big fat nothing. Two months of recovery and two months of failed Clomid cycles due to crazy periods. I finally thought I would be back on track this month after my OB gave me Provera to jump start a "normal period". Latest u/s showed not even a dominant follicle. Sigh. Then I got my period again on CD15. The saga continues...

I'll be blogging to vent my thoughts, to reach out to others in similar situations, and to feel less alone in this journey. I know there are many of you out there in similar and even more complicated situations. I'll update when something exciting happens, but I'll probably write about the mundane too. I'm probably going to have to go on a hiatus with birth control pills for 3 months but *maybe* it will turn things around. If not, I guess it's on to the world of specialists. I just can't wait to find out what else is wrong with me (or hubby), beyond the obvious.