Reluctant to Commit

We've been reluctant to commit to a name for Baby Girl. After finding out we were having a girl we had settled on two possibilities and had middle names picked out for each one. For blogging purposes we'll call them "X" and "Y". We had a lot of people asking so we would share the possibilities and listen to the feedback but completely disregard it of course. We were leaning towards Y but thought it would be nice to meet her first and make sure one or the other "fit".

Then one day I was looking at nursery decorating ideas online and came across a room that had a large monogram over the crib. You know, the one where you put the last name initial in the middle and then the first and middle initials on the sides. It was then that it hit me that Y (the front runner) had a monogram that spelled out a rather inappropriate word. Like really bad. Even though hubby didn't care I insisted it was back to the drawing board. After much deliberation we were finally able to pick out a new middle name that is actually quite beautiful and has family significance.

On Easter we were sitting in the living room with my parents when hubby suddenly said, "I've been thinking that I don't want to use X." He had specific reasons that I won't go into but we all kind of agreed. Plus we had already been leaning towards Y. Then the conversation followed like this:

Me: So is it official? Her name is Y?
Hubby: Done!
Me: Really?
Hubby: No.
Me: What?!
Hubby: It's up to you.
Me: But you just told me you don't want X.
Hubby: Yeah, but I can't make the decision.

Since Easter it has continued much in this same way. I think we know that we are naming her Y but we just couldn't finalize it. It feels like such a big deal to me! This will be her name forever and ever. And EVER. And if she hates it she will blame us. But I think it is completely beautiful and I don't know how she could hate it. :) The only negative feedback I have gotten on it went like this:

Boss: Have you picked a name?
Me: We are considering X and Y.
Boss: (after a long pause) I like X because my wife had a best friend named Y but then her boyfriend broke up with her so she killed him. She's in prison now.
Me: Lovely.
Boss: I debated whether I should tell you that.
Me (in my head): You made the wrong choice.

So our reluctance to commit continued for many weeks. Until one night a little over a week ago I got a call from my grandpa. He told me that he knew I didn't want to tell him the baby's name because it was a secret (I never told anyone that) but that he really needed to know the initial because he wanted to buy the baby a necklace just like he had gotten my cousin's daughter and the company was going out of business so he needed to do it ASAP. I explained that we were still deliberating and were thinking of waiting until she was born to pick a name. He sounded distressed about this but told me he didn't want to pressure me. I told him I would get back to him.

This caused a conundrum for hubby and me. We spent a long time picking two names and then eliminated one. If my college math minor serves me that leaves just one choice, right? So what was the problem?! Were we really going to spend time picking another option? No. So what was the freaking problem?! I don't know! But we still couldn't both say out loud that Y was her name! But finally we decided we would just go with it and darnit she better come out looking like her name is Y.

So a few nights later I called Grandpa and told him. Actually I was with my mom and she called him. So it was set. I had even told hubby that I was going to call Grandpa and tell him. This occurred during my business trip. When I got home my mom patted my tummy and said "Goodbye Y." And hubby said, "Oh, you named her?"

Sigh.

And still neither one of us has referred to her as Y yet.