She's All Riled Up Again

I was going to write a post today bitching about the record-breaking, triple digit temps we can't seem to get rid of. But it seems the high today will be 89 so I'm going to have to find something else to bitch about. Luckily, I came prepared! Don't worry, it's not about vaccinations, although that will come up. Stay with me.

Yesterday I received a weekly email from Baby.Center about my baby's development at her age. Included was a link to a story about a onesie that Old Navy is currently selling. You may have heard about it. It has a picture of a bottle (baby bottle) with wings and says "Formula Powered". Now, I'm not even going to get into my opinion of this onesie or its "message". That is not the point of this blog entry. The story on BC asked for opinions on the onesie and of course mentioned that the breastfeeding advocates are up in arms about it, and provided links to some websites.

One of those websites I clicked to was a blog called "Peaceful Parenting". I did not know what I was getting myself into. First, I read the article in question which berated ON for the onesie, which "advocates for destruction". All of the comments called for a boycott of ON, said that formula feeding mothers are literally poisoning their babies, and stated that formula feeding isn't second best, it's fourth in line of options. The second being pumping and feeding breast milk and the third being using milk from another human. Since I did not produce anywhere near an adequate supply (although they would tell me that is my fault and I should have fixed it) options 1 and 2 are out for me. I looked into human milk banks. Do you, or more importantly do the blog author and commenters, have any idea how much human milk costs? Well it is free of course, you just have to pay a $3.50 per ounce handling fee plus shipping. $3.50 per ounce?!?!? That works out to be over $3000 per month! Um, I can't afford that. Can you? And my insurance did not cover a breast pump, let alone human milk. Oh, and I haven't even mentioned that I wouldn't qualify to receive it since Baby Girl was not a preemie and was not immune compromised. Problems with the mother weren't listed as reasons to qualify for the milk. Probably because people don't believe that can truly happen. The mother must be doing something wrong. Anyway, the Stirrup Queen has already touched on the whole "Breast is Best" thing twice this week so I will stop here. You should check out her thought provoking article if you haven't.

But as I (foolishly) delved further into the blog, I found no fewer than a half dozen things I have done/am doing that are causing irreparable harm to my baby. I'll give you some insight and some of their reasoning:

• Having ultrasounds: The post is entitled, "Ultrasound: Powerful, Dangerous, Unethical". I am sure you can imagine what this one is about. This includes dopplers. Oops, I did that daily until I could feel her move.
• Having an epidural: I have, apparently, drastically altered the way my baby feels pain by having an epidural. The interesting this is I have allegedly increased her pain tolerance but this is a bad thing because someday when she needs morphine it will not work for her. This was all very weakly based on the ideas that birth causes injury naturally, epidurals don't allow you to feel pain and therefore endorphins aren't released after, and an unrelated study in rats.
• Feeding formula: Covered above and you all know the routine.
• Diapering: Diapering, cloth and especially disposable, is bad. "Chemicals" on your child's bum and all.
• Vaccinating: I won't even go there.
• Leaving my baby: My favorite article, written by a male doctor, informed me that I should not leave my baby for the first three years of her life. Not for a week vacation, not a weekend getaway, not overnight, not for a day, not for an afternoon, not for AN HOUR. According to the article your baby needs to know you are there and can't tell the difference between a minute and forever so if you are not there your baby thinks you abandoned them. The article acknowledges that some mothers have to work, and they should not worry if they have to. (Wait, I thought I was damaging my child?) It then goes on to say, though, that if you think about it you really don't have to work, it's just that you're accustomed to the lifestyle that two incomes affords you and really you are choosing that lifestyle over your child's well being. Yep, I'm not making that up. Anyplace you can go your baby should go with or it's not worth going to. If you absolutely want to leave while your baby is sleeping you can, but be aware that Serious Damage will befall her if she wakes up and you are not there. There is a whole separate post about the evils of daycare and preschool.

Yep, Baby Girl is only 2 months old and I have failed her in so many ways it is a wonder she is still alive. Hubby asked me very sincerely to stop reading the blog. And I did. One thing that was so strange to me is they will quote the AAP to enhance their points on some things but then will blatantly disregard what the AAP says about other things, such as vaccinating.

But there are still a couple of other problems with literature like this. First, it expects so much from us as mothers and shames us for not expecting the same from ourselves. The sky is falling if we cannot keep up with all of these things we must do or must not do for our babies. Peaceful parenting my ass, I am anxious just thinking about all of it.

And that is the second problem. Even though I didn't agree with any of it, it planted seeds of self-doubt in my head that I couldn't shake once I went to bed. Yes, I could be cloth diapering or not diapering. Yes, I could stay at home if I moved to a small apartment (my mortgage is half of what I qualified for, so much for my extravagant lifestyle I insist on having). Sure, I could tap into my savings account and spend $3000 per month to provide human milk. Although then I surely would have to work! Anyway, mothers today have enough worry that they aren't doing enough. I don't need someone hammering home that message about every choice I make.

Finally, I respect other peoples opinions. They're like a$$holes after all, everybody has one. I recognize that what I choose to do will not be what works for every parent. I really appreciated Stirrup Queen's article about breastfeeding and totally agreed with it but I do not agree with every post she makes. And when I disagree I can respectfully do so in her comment section. But this blog and its commenters don't allow for any gray area. You either follow their advice and are a good parent, or you do not and are not.

P.S. I wrote a respectful comment to the original onesie article and not surprisingly it hasn't been published alongside all of the ON-bashing, breastfeeding nazi comments.