It seems like I keep deciding something is wrong with the baby. I suppose this is normal, especially for IF women, especially after a loss. Once I think about one fear for a while and get over my initial "obsession" with it, I come up with a new one.
Last week I decided the baby was implanted too low. The reason I decided this is because I was looking at my 10 week ultrasound images. The one where they measured my cervix, I could see the baby in its sac and decided it was too close to my cervix. I have no experience reading ultrasounds of course and I don't really know anything about the proportions of what I was looking at. I even specifically asked the tech where the baby was and she said "in the uterus" and ignored my further questioning. Hubby says she or the doctor would have told me if they were concerned but I decided it was possible they wouldn't worry me since there would be nothing they could do. That's may not be true but my irrational hormone-laden brain decided it was.
Ok, I got over that but am still worried about it. I will ask on Monday at my next appointment. The next, newest paranoia I came up with last night. Every pregnant woman whose blog I read has had an ultrasound lately (around 10-13 weeks like mine) and have talked about how much the baby is moving, dancing, flipping, twirling, etc. My baby wasn't moving. Ah, it could have been sleeping or just chilling you might say but I cannot accept that answer. Because being rational is not the name of the game. My additional "evidence", and I use that term loosely, is that every night when I use my fetal doppler the heart beat is very easy to find and never seems to move while I am listening. If my baby was moving wouldn't I "lose" the heart beat? Seriously, thank God that heart beat is there, I love it. But still, I am obsessed with these new worries. I have gone off the deep end.
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oh man, does it ever go away?
ReplyDeleteI keep thinking once I make it to the next sono I'll feel better... First it was the sac, then the heartbeat.. now it's 12 weeks!! I'm wondering though if I'll be a nervous wreck until the very end.
Need to get one of the heartbeat monitors- remind me again after how many wks did you hear something on the home monitor?
I'm glad you have the fetal doppler to help ease your worries!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could point a magic wand and make your anxiety--POOF!--go away. Hang in there!!
ReplyDeleteOh hon as a fellow IFer I hear ya on the paranoias. One after the other. My OB just glosses over them like they're no big deal. DH is shocked by how calm she is and how she treats us so "normal". 2 1/2 year of IF treatment make you feel anything but normal and your pregnancy sure as heck doesn't feel normal. My latest one is I'm sure I am insulin resistant. No one has ever tested me for it, but I was diagnosed with PCOS and that inceases my risk for being IR. I stopped my Metformin at 12 weeks and I'm terrified I'm going to get gestational diabetes before my 24 week test. I'm going to try to convince my OB to test me Thursday. As for your little one, all of our u/s's have been in the morning. So I know our little one is active in the morning. Thursday is in the afternoon so it's possible we'll see a sleeping/chilling little one then. I doppler at the same time every night, 6pm. After I eat dinner. Some nights the little one is active, some nights it seems to stay in one spot. I tried once at 2pm and I couldn't find anything. I stick to the same time now. I know it's SOOOO hard not to worry, but I believe your OB would have mentioned if they thought there was something to worry about. Try not to worry, I know sometimes that's impossible. Have a wonderful appointment on Monday!! :)
ReplyDeleteI think your fears are based on your past infertility, coupled with hormones. I agree with your husband, if there was a problem, they tech and your dr would have told you. They would want to prepare you for anything that wasn't normal. Definitely feel some comfort there.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to the doppler and this stage in the pregnancy, I don't think the hearbeat will move around too much. I also think it depends on the day and the baby's natural sleep paterns. You could just have a zen baby. If you're really worried about it, I would ask your dr at your next appt.
Try not to worry, I am sure everything is fine, and you will get confirmation from your doctor soon enough.
P.S. My doctor told me after my pregnancy I worried too much during my pregnancy. I guess she waited until afterward to keep from hurting my hormonal feelings. lol
I am sure I would be just as anxious and worried that something was wrong.
ReplyDeleteHang in there until your next appointment!
I laughed when I read this post...not in a mean way, of course, but because I could have written it myself! Welcome the the Neurotic Pregnancy Club. ;P
ReplyDeleteI decide that something is wrong ALL the time...it doesn't have to be warranted or founded or even make sense to anyone else. I'm sure it's the IF still haunting me but having a rational explanation doesn't matter...I still very frequetnly jump off the deep end. It seems that I don't know how not to! :)
Thank goodness for the doppler...hang in there!