Hello all. It's been awhile since I posted. I guess I have been struggling to come up with something to write. I'm not entirely sure why that is. I do know that I had a bit of a rough time with ICLW. I'm not complaining about it, I just really worried about whose blog to comment on. I have been hyper aware of some IF bloggers who were really struggling with sadness and/or anger during the holidays. I didn't want to post on someones blog to have them visit my blog and discover I was pregnant and upset them. I first started by only visiting blogs that mentioned pregnancy in the description words. There were only so many of those and many I had already visited or frequented. Another easy thing to do was to only respond to those who wrote on my blog, which I did. Other than that, I really hesitated. The last thing I wanted to do was to upset anyone, especially around the holidays.
I guess I have survivors guilt, or something like it. I kept feeling bad about the fact that my blog was around for such a short time before my baby blessing happened. That certainly wasn't the beginning of my journey but I'm not sure it's a way to make bonds with brand new blog buddies that have been going through this a long time. Then there's the fact that "all" I had to do was Clomid. I just know there are so many women out there that have tried so hard and so long to no avail. There is nothing I would want more than for every deserving woman who desires a baby to be able to make that happen. Without drugs, injections, blood draws, invasive procedures and heartbreak.
I guess I'm not sure where to go from here. I swear I am not whining about poor little me. I guess I have to realize that anyone wanting to avoid my blog will. I will write about my pregnancy because that is what's going on in my life right now. It still poses a problem about commenting on the blogs I routinely visit. I sincerely hope that my presence on others' blogs is not unwanted. I truly cheer for each one of your cycles and want nothing more than for all of you to get your BFPs and healthy babies.
I did find some really lovely blogs that I have added to my reading routine, and for that I am happy. And I know that none of you need my pity, and that is certainly not what I am doing. Plus, I see very good things in 2010 for all of us! Best of luck to all of you!
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boo hoo! The little pregnant girl crying about not being in the ''misreable infertile club''...hehehehe...I feel like that too! No, i'm not ptegnant but I'm so happy that we are adopting and it breaks my heart when I read those blogs. I had a hard time with ICLW this time around too. I only read blogs that were about adoption but did comment on those that read/commented on my blogs.
ReplyDeleteyou are sweet to put so much thought in this. All of our stories are diffwrent...some struggle more than others but that isn't in your hands, it is in God's.
I hear you and can relate to all those feelings. I want so badly to support those who are struggling, but I'm also afraid they'll visit my blog and think what the heck does she know about struggling, she's pregnant. So I don't do ICLW anymore. I've sorta dropped out of posting on my blog even. I'm sort of frozen until 2nd trimester. Hope your pregnancy is going well!! Happy New Year!!
ReplyDeleteI really understand how you feel. I only found out about my positive test the day before ICLW, and I frantically wrote in and Mel changed my topics to early pregnancy, anxiety, and depression. It was helpful. I only visited pregnant blogs as well.
ReplyDeleteI am still posting on the blogs that I have been following. I figure that if they don't want me to, they will stop posting on mine. I so understand how hard it is for people to read a pregnancy blog. I used to have only one pregnancy blog that I read, and I only did that when I was strong, and I rarely commented. I just really, really liked the girl and that is why I did it.
It is hard. For the first few days of my positive I put a warning at the top of my blog and then I explained that as long as my pregnancy lasts, that is what I will be blogging about.
It is a hard thing, I agree. I am considering not doing the ICLW this time. However, I worry that I will lose this one, and i will need the support during that time.
I felt the same way when I finally got pregnant. I just came to the realization that there was nothing I could do if some of my followers went away. It made me sad, and it made me feel bad, but it was just something I had to accept. I also realized that while some fell away, I would gain new ones.
ReplyDeleteIt does get easier. Although I have to admit I sometimes I still feel bad commenting on those blogs. I just decided that if I comment on them I will try to give them hope and boost them up.
This is your blog and it is about your journey. You're pregnant right now, which is part of your journey, and it comes after a ride through infertility. It doesn't matter that it only took you chlomid. You still know some of the heartache and pain of these other women. I'm glad it only took you chlomid and that you were spared all of the other heartache and pain. I wouldn't wish any of that on my worst enemy!
Keep your chin up, it will get easier. :)
I totally understand why you are having these feelings, but as one of the bloggers who has yet to get her BFP, I personally love to read about pregnancies. It gives me hope!
ReplyDeleteCount me in for following your pregnancy journey!
I can relate to not wanting to upset anyone's journey. I feel the same. I am very careful about what I blog about in fear of hurting people's feelings, but being pregnant is what is going on in our lives right now!
ReplyDeleteI have the same fear. I do think Mel wrote about this a while ago - how we're all afraid to comment on a blog when we're in a great place. But I think the support counts. So I do try to comment on blogs where people are having a tough time. They might read my blog and see what I went through and be inspired. I know that was how I felt in the beginning.
ReplyDeleteBeing one of those girls that haven't gotten pregnant yet, and does have to do the injections, etc. I can't (obviously) understand where you are coming from... but I think I would be the same way! Being on this "side" of things, I am SO happy for you! I think most infertiles would agree - it is such a blessing when one of us gets pregnant! The saddness of it comes from just being reminded that we aren't there yet. I think you should definitely keep blogging about your life and your pregnancy! I will keep reading :) I love knowing what I have to look forward to!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand where you're coming from...and I think it speaks so much to the kind of person that you are that you're so concerned about others. :) I felt (and still do feel) the same way...totally guilty but utterly happy at the same time. Such a contradiction! I think you did the best thing you could for ICLW...I found myself following the same kind of "guidelines" when I commented...only actively seeking out those who were also pregnant and responding to those who commented on my own blog. It was harder than I thought.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't let the time frame or method of conceiving worry you...we are all so very different and each of us has our own journey to take. And I'm still looking forward to following yours, my sweet friend! Happy New Year and all the best to you in 2010. :)
What you are saying makes sense BUT for me, I am addicted to going to blogs like yours - you give me hope! :) I think most women who go through what we are going through, need to read blogs like yours. And if someone goes to your blog and doesn't like it, they will just close it. I can't imagine anyone blaming you for their anger or sadness. If they do, then there's something wrong anyway. I find it really sweet of you to think of others first but you mustn't change your ways of doing things. You come first :)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!!! I look forward to reading more about your journey!
Aw, girl, don't feel bad (I know, easier said than done).
ReplyDeleteLike many bloggers have discussed before, this is not The Pain Olympics. Infertility hurts. Period. The treatments or waiting we all have to go through are all so personal.
I haven't stopped following your blog, and will be super stoked to read about the arrival of your little one!
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! I hope you continue to have a happy, healthy pregnancy! Happy New Year!
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