Hubby and Me Part Four: TTC For Real Take Two

After the miscarriage we waited the two months as instructed. When it was time I was eager to get the show back on the road. I actually got my period right around the two month mark. Unfortunately I realized that hubby would be out of town during the target ovulation time. He is NEVER out of town without me. Except that time.

So we had to wait and of course AF wouldn't come again. So in June I got some progesterone to get things going and planned to follow with 50 mg of Clomid on CD 3-7 as before. But this time around CD 1 was a bit ambiguous. I started spotting for two days and proceeded to start the clomid on CD 3. Then AF disappeared for a few days and then reappeared like a normal period. I was confused and when I was checked by u/s for a follicle there wasn't one. The same thing repeated in July. And August. After the u/s in September showed no follicle I barely got out of the office before I started bawling. I couldn't figure out why this had worked so well the first time and now was a complete failure. I started freaking out about the next step.

My OB was very confused because my monthly blood check for ovulation kept showing hormone levels that made no sense for any point in a cycle. Basically, my hormones were all effed up. As my clinic considers ANY spotting as CD 1, I just couldn't figure out when to start the Clomid each month. I became increasingly frustrated and worried. Each trip to the clinic was so frustrating and I just didn't know what to do. And we all know OBs can only help so much. They are not fertility specialists. All I wanted was a chance and I couldn't get that.

Then my OB went on maternity leave (wonderful, right?) and I started seeing a nurse practitioner that I also really liked. She seemed very knowledgeable. She had a bit of a different approach and wasn't going to do an u/s again until we could confirm ovulation with a blood test. We also talked about going on b/c for three months to try to "reset" my hormones. I hated the idea of waiting but considered it. I also thought about just moving right on to an RE. But the idea of injectables freaked me out. I was almost more comfortable thinking about IVF. I was so afraid of the idea of having a whole bunch of follicles and ending up with multiples.

At this point hubby had his analysis too. Everything was in the normal range except his count. Which at 234 million/mL was almost four times the normal level. If this man couldn't get me knocked up, nobody could. I decided to give it two more tries before moving on to an RE. October or November would be it. My clinic was starting to suggest that too since they don't like to do Clomid too long.

So this time around the NP bumped up the Clomid to 100 mg for October. I was still to do CD 3-7. AF was brought on by progesterone and true to form it was all wonky. I decided to modify the plan without telling anyone. I figured maybe I should disregard the pre-spotting weirdness and go with the full on flow as CD 1. That way CD 3 would be about CD 6 or so counting from spotting. My very first clinic had done CD 5-9 so I figured maybe this would work either way. I went with it. I went in for the routine blood work on CD 21 knowing full well I hadn't ovulated on CD 14 as they would expect. This time I was not only using OPK strips but also charting my temp.

But I kept testing and charting, knowing it could be a 35 day cycle, and one or two days after the blood work I got a positive OPK. I always tested twice a day. Once at lunch and once in the evening. On my lunch break I peed on the thing, put the cap back on, put in back in the wrapper and put it in my purse. I drove to a sandwich place for lunch and when I got there I took it back out of the wrapper. And there was a beautiful dark test line. I think I cried. Oh, here's the old post about it! Ah, what a beautiful sight it was. The timing wasn't ideal because it was parent-teacher conference time for hubby. He always comes home from conferences tired and crabby. He got home that night and I said in the sweetest voice possible, "Honey, I know you're probably tired but my test was positive today." He was just as excited as I was and didn't complain one bit!

So a nurse had called to say that my CD 20 blood work showed no ovulation and we were going to up the clomid to 150 mg for the next cycle. I didn't want to do that since I was pretty sure the 100 mg had worked. Here is a lovely post about my "discussion" with the nurse over that one!

I tried not to get too excited. I had the positive OPK and the temp chart looked good too. I anxiously awaited CD 35. I think I first tested on 8 dpo. I knew it was probably a waste but we were going to the state fair the next day so I thought I'd avoid the rides if anything showed up (as though it would really matter that early). Didn't see anything. The next day at the fair my mom noted that I peed a hundred times. Didn't think anything of it.

I tested again on 11 dpo. I thought I saw the faintest, lightest, most beautiful second line. I tried not to hyperventilate. I tried to deny it. I had always assumed the first time I ovulated after the miscarriage couldn't possibly result in another pregnancy. I was not that lucky. I texted hubby and told him about the faint, light line. I went to work. I worked all day, trying not to think about it. On the way home from work I picked up a digital test. I told myself it might not be as sensitive as the other one. Don't freak out if it is negative. It is still early to be testing.

I peed on the stick and stared at the blinking hour glass wait symbol. Then the result showed up. I kept searching for the word "Not" but all I could see was "Pregnant". I honestly don't even remember how I reacted. I can't remember telling hubby or how he reacted. I know we hugged. It was surreal.

We had just signed the papers on our new house the day before. We were making plans with my parents to paint all weekend. They were actually coming to our house that night for some reason. I told hubby that obviously we were going to have to tell them right away because I wouldn't be able to paint. They came over and I handed mom the stick. She just stared at it and kept asking what it was. When she finally got it she screamed (she is very loud) and grabbed me and started crying. She tried for 6 years with fertility treatments to have me so this was all too familiar to her.

My NP offered an early ultrasound because of the previous loss. Bless her, she knew how worried I was. At 7w3d we made our way to the clinic. I was terrified. I knew there had to be a heartbeat at this point. As soon as the tech found the baby I saw it. That fabulous blinking of the heart. I started sobbing. Uncontrollably. The tech had to keep asking me to try and stop moving my tummy so she could finish. It was the most relief I have ever felt.

But as those of you who have been reading for the long haul know, I worried a lot. The naivete of a first pregnancy was gone. I was so fearful something would go wrong. First it was a miscarriage. Then it was an incompetent cervix. I had no reason to trust my body. It could not even ovulate properly on its own. But here we are at almost 38 weeks. I can't lie, I still worry. I know two people who lost their babies at 38 weeks and my own mother-in-law lost her first at birth to cord strangulation. But I know the odds are with us at this point. I can only keep praying that Baby Girl and I will be safe and healthy.

I really have to thank all of you for reading and following. Especially those of you who have been around for so long. I love all of your comments and even though they are here on my blog I still can't erase the copies in my email. They all mean so much to me. Hubby is adamantly against me posting the baby's name or pics on my blog, which I understand. But if those of you who are followers would like, I am planning to put together an email announcement if you would like to see. I will include her name and a picture so if you are interested let me know and provide your email address. Y'all deserve something for sticking with me and my blog all this time! And holy cow, this post got long too. Sorry!

16 days until due date!