She's All Riled Up Again

I was going to write a post today bitching about the record-breaking, triple digit temps we can't seem to get rid of. But it seems the high today will be 89 so I'm going to have to find something else to bitch about. Luckily, I came prepared! Don't worry, it's not about vaccinations, although that will come up. Stay with me.

Yesterday I received a weekly email from Baby.Center about my baby's development at her age. Included was a link to a story about a onesie that Old Navy is currently selling. You may have heard about it. It has a picture of a bottle (baby bottle) with wings and says "Formula Powered". Now, I'm not even going to get into my opinion of this onesie or its "message". That is not the point of this blog entry. The story on BC asked for opinions on the onesie and of course mentioned that the breastfeeding advocates are up in arms about it, and provided links to some websites.

One of those websites I clicked to was a blog called "Peaceful Parenting". I did not know what I was getting myself into. First, I read the article in question which berated ON for the onesie, which "advocates for destruction". All of the comments called for a boycott of ON, said that formula feeding mothers are literally poisoning their babies, and stated that formula feeding isn't second best, it's fourth in line of options. The second being pumping and feeding breast milk and the third being using milk from another human. Since I did not produce anywhere near an adequate supply (although they would tell me that is my fault and I should have fixed it) options 1 and 2 are out for me. I looked into human milk banks. Do you, or more importantly do the blog author and commenters, have any idea how much human milk costs? Well it is free of course, you just have to pay a $3.50 per ounce handling fee plus shipping. $3.50 per ounce?!?!? That works out to be over $3000 per month! Um, I can't afford that. Can you? And my insurance did not cover a breast pump, let alone human milk. Oh, and I haven't even mentioned that I wouldn't qualify to receive it since Baby Girl was not a preemie and was not immune compromised. Problems with the mother weren't listed as reasons to qualify for the milk. Probably because people don't believe that can truly happen. The mother must be doing something wrong. Anyway, the Stirrup Queen has already touched on the whole "Breast is Best" thing twice this week so I will stop here. You should check out her thought provoking article if you haven't.

But as I (foolishly) delved further into the blog, I found no fewer than a half dozen things I have done/am doing that are causing irreparable harm to my baby. I'll give you some insight and some of their reasoning:

• Having ultrasounds: The post is entitled, "Ultrasound: Powerful, Dangerous, Unethical". I am sure you can imagine what this one is about. This includes dopplers. Oops, I did that daily until I could feel her move.
• Having an epidural: I have, apparently, drastically altered the way my baby feels pain by having an epidural. The interesting this is I have allegedly increased her pain tolerance but this is a bad thing because someday when she needs morphine it will not work for her. This was all very weakly based on the ideas that birth causes injury naturally, epidurals don't allow you to feel pain and therefore endorphins aren't released after, and an unrelated study in rats.
• Feeding formula: Covered above and you all know the routine.
• Diapering: Diapering, cloth and especially disposable, is bad. "Chemicals" on your child's bum and all.
• Vaccinating: I won't even go there.
• Leaving my baby: My favorite article, written by a male doctor, informed me that I should not leave my baby for the first three years of her life. Not for a week vacation, not a weekend getaway, not overnight, not for a day, not for an afternoon, not for AN HOUR. According to the article your baby needs to know you are there and can't tell the difference between a minute and forever so if you are not there your baby thinks you abandoned them. The article acknowledges that some mothers have to work, and they should not worry if they have to. (Wait, I thought I was damaging my child?) It then goes on to say, though, that if you think about it you really don't have to work, it's just that you're accustomed to the lifestyle that two incomes affords you and really you are choosing that lifestyle over your child's well being. Yep, I'm not making that up. Anyplace you can go your baby should go with or it's not worth going to. If you absolutely want to leave while your baby is sleeping you can, but be aware that Serious Damage will befall her if she wakes up and you are not there. There is a whole separate post about the evils of daycare and preschool.

Yep, Baby Girl is only 2 months old and I have failed her in so many ways it is a wonder she is still alive. Hubby asked me very sincerely to stop reading the blog. And I did. One thing that was so strange to me is they will quote the AAP to enhance their points on some things but then will blatantly disregard what the AAP says about other things, such as vaccinating.

But there are still a couple of other problems with literature like this. First, it expects so much from us as mothers and shames us for not expecting the same from ourselves. The sky is falling if we cannot keep up with all of these things we must do or must not do for our babies. Peaceful parenting my ass, I am anxious just thinking about all of it.

And that is the second problem. Even though I didn't agree with any of it, it planted seeds of self-doubt in my head that I couldn't shake once I went to bed. Yes, I could be cloth diapering or not diapering. Yes, I could stay at home if I moved to a small apartment (my mortgage is half of what I qualified for, so much for my extravagant lifestyle I insist on having). Sure, I could tap into my savings account and spend $3000 per month to provide human milk. Although then I surely would have to work! Anyway, mothers today have enough worry that they aren't doing enough. I don't need someone hammering home that message about every choice I make.

Finally, I respect other peoples opinions. They're like a$$holes after all, everybody has one. I recognize that what I choose to do will not be what works for every parent. I really appreciated Stirrup Queen's article about breastfeeding and totally agreed with it but I do not agree with every post she makes. And when I disagree I can respectfully do so in her comment section. But this blog and its commenters don't allow for any gray area. You either follow their advice and are a good parent, or you do not and are not.

P.S. I wrote a respectful comment to the original onesie article and not surprisingly it hasn't been published alongside all of the ON-bashing, breastfeeding nazi comments.

Exhibit A

This is exactly what I'm talking about. A headline from a story on MSNBC today:

"California whooping cough outbreak may be largest in 55 years. Over 4,000 cases, 9 deaths this year; decline in vaccinations blamed"

As though there was something else to blame.

I was just telling hubby I wonder how many kids will have to die from all these preventable diseases before people wake up. Nine won't register on anyone's radar. People will shrug off 9. But I bet the 9 sets of parents won't. And there was nothing they could have done differently short of keeping their babies in a bubble:

"All of the whooping cough-related deaths in California occurred in babies too young to be fully immunized against the illness, which is why parents and caretakers are being urged to get booster shots."

I know, I keep hammering away at it. It just makes my blood boil that babies are dying unnecessarily.

I'm done now. I've said my piece.

Vaccination Follow Up Info

Hello All,

I am glad that so far I have gotten a positive response to my last post. Like I said, it is something I feel passionate about. I am the kind of person who becomes emotionally involved in the stories I read on others' blogs. So I care about you guys and your little ones! If I can help someone make a rational decision about immunizing their child then I feel good about that. I at least want people to know the facts before they decide. I don't want people basing their decision on what some actress told Oprah about her singular experience.

By the way, did you know that JennyMcCarthy's child likely never had autism after all? And that she now admits that vaccines likely had nothing to do with his situation and that probably explains why he was able to be "cured"? Interesting how this didn't get widespread news coverage, isn't it? I just learned about it yesterday while gathering references for what I wrote!

I also want people to know that I am not telling you that there is no chance vaccines will injure your child. Vaccine injury has and will happen but the chances are FAR, FAR, FAR less than your child acquiring a dangerous, preventable disease if you do not have them vaccinated. There is usually a rare underlying cause that is aggravated by vaccinations, but this condition likely would have been stressed by something else down the road.

Anyway, one of the questions I got in my comments was about spacing out vaccinations a la the DrSears method. As I said yesterday, there is no research or rhyme or reason to the DrSears schedule while there is to the CDC schedule. That being said, I found a great article addressing parents fears about "overwhelming" their child's immune system with too many shots at one time. It is in the journal Pediatrics, which is the official journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics. I will provide a link below and you can access it for free. I will summarize it here though because there may be a lot of terms that are unfamiliar to people not in this field.

First of all, before a baby is born it has been in a very sterile environment. A newborn has encountered very few if any pathogens. Antibodies are passed from the mother to the baby in utero but that is not the same as the baby's own body creating an immune response. Protection given by the mother will "wear off" within a few months. The same is true for any immune protection gained through breastfeeding. These protections, while helpful, are no where near as good as those the baby can develop itself. But the second a baby is born it is confronted with many pathogens it has obviously never seen before and the immune system immediately begins mounting a response to this. The GI tract of a baby is colonized with bacteria within hours of birth. So even at birth the baby's immune system is challenged with many different types of pathogens at once, just as with a combo immunization.

Second, vaccines today are different than they were in the past. In 1900 children were only immunized against smallpox. But that vaccine contained 200 antigens (proteins that can potentially spur the immune system to get to work). In 1980, when I was born, children were immunized against 7 diseases. Over the course of those immunizations over 3000 antigens were encountered. Today, while children are immunized for 11 diseases, the total antigens encountered over the course of the vaccines is about 125. That is because we are better at making vaccines today and we don't have to include so much "stuff". By "we" I mean the companies that make the vaccines of course, not me or my company.

The authors also estimated the capacity of the immune system. I won't go into the details because it gets all science-y but they predict that if all 11 current vaccines were given at one time only 0.1% of the immune system would be used. But they go on to say that truly, no portion of the immune system is ever "used up" because that system is constantly replenishing the cells and components involved.

Another final point is that if vaccines temporarily compromised your immune system we would expect children to be more prone to other diseases at the time of the shots but that is not the case. Also, children already sick do not have any problem handling vaccines.

Again, I am not a pediatrician and if you have questions you should always consult your pediatrician! But as with my last post, I am presenting the information I have used in making my decisions. I have heard all the same media hype and attention you have all heard so I looked into all of this before vaccinating Baby Girl. I now feel completely comfortable following her doctors recommendations.

There are potential negatives to spacing out vaccines more than the CDC recommends. The most obvious being that you are postponing protection for your baby. The longer you wait, the more time they have to contract that disease. Also, doctors are concerned that parents will not come back or forget to complete the other vaccines. Vaccines are more likely to be not given if the parent has to keep coming back. But I know you ladies are vigilant parents and if you choose that route you will follow through!

I'm not going to lie, Baby Girl was not happy this past weekend after she received her 2-month vaccinations on Saturday. Part is probably attributed to physical pain at the injection sites but part is attributed to her immune system at work. I got my DTP a few weeks ago and that sucker hurt like heck for several days! But she is now happy as a clam again and I feel better knowing she has some protection against some nasty diseases.

One last thing that is TOTALLY my opinion. There is research in this area but it is far from concrete. I personally feel that allergies are also on the rise because of the sterile environments we create today. Everything is wiped down with bleach all the time and everyone washes with antibacterial soap. I believe our immune systems are bored! They will start going after harmless things like our foods if they have nothing else to do. Babies and children need to get sick once in a while to exercise their immune systems! But that is what the common cold is for, not measles or polio. My OB told me not to eat peanut butter while I was pregnant because it could contribute to peanut allergies in the baby. That is totally counter intuitive to how the immune system works! And in fact I found medical articles that said exactly the opposite of what my doctor had told me. In countries where peanuts are introduced earlier there are fewer cases of peanut allergy. Plus, all my nauseous tummy would allow some days was peanut butter sandwiches! But this is just my theory and allergy research is another big area now along with autism research.

Here is a link to that article. If you actually try to read it and have any questions just let me know. Wait, actually I am giving a link to a page on the World Health Organization's website because I can't figure out how to copy/paste a web address here for some reason and this one is much shorter for me to type. The article I talked about is the first link under "Links and References".

www.who.int/vaccine_safety/topics/immune_overload/en/index.html

My Two Cents

I have been working on writing this post for a while. Making sure I get my facts right so I state them correctly. Also finding credible sources that I can cite (Credible in my opinion. As in, I'm not just quoting wikipedia here folks).

I am a scientist. In the interest of full disclosure, I have a PhD in Analytical Chemistry. Through obtaining my degree and through my experience in my job, I have knowledge in chemistry, biology (admittedly limited), biochemistry, and immunology. I work for a very small biotech company. That means we are like a pharmaceutical company except we do not develop "small molecule" drugs. (Most drugs on the market today are small molecule drugs that the general public may call "chemicals", which is funny because everything is a chemical, including water. If someone calls their product "chemical free" they are apparently selling you nothing.) Instead, our drugs are biologically based, specifically being small pieces of proteins already found in your body. Part of my job is to develop tests that determine whether patients in our clinical trials are having an immune response to our drug, which is part of the safety assessment of the drug.

In any case, this means I have more knowledge in the field of immunology (study of the immune system) than a typical, non-scientist parent. For this reason, I have been asked in the past about my opinions regarding vaccinations. And I do have very strong opinions. This is my blog and this is something I feel passionate about so I wanted to give those opinions. You can take it for what it's worth and make your own decisions regarding vaccinating your child but I will present many facts which informed my own decision. I aim to be clear on what is a fact, what is backed up by scientific study, and what is my personal opinion.

• Fact: It is estimated today that 1 in every 110 children is diagnosed with autism. Data suggest that the rate is increasing by about 10-17% each year, but part of this is due to improved diagnosis. Boys are more likely than girls (three to four times) to be diagnosed with autism.1
• Opinion: The increase in autism is alarming and research to find causal links and treatments is desperately needed.
• Fact: More than a dozen studies have shown that children given thimerosal-containing vaccines and/or MMR vaccines have no higher prevalence of autism than children who are not vaccinated.2
• Fact: The only study to suggest (not prove) a link between vaccinations and autism has been retracted by the journal that published it. This is extremely rare for a scientific journal. The research was shown to be flawed in many ways.3
• Fact: The lead author of that retracted study has a patent for a measles vaccine that would have increased in widespread use had the combo MMR vaccine been discredited. Additionally, his research was funded by lawyers seeking to sue vaccine makers.4 Umm, financial conflict of interest much?
• Fact: The Chief Science Officer for the autism advocacy group "Autism Speaks" encourages parents to have their children vaccinated and believes scientific research has rejected a link between thimerosal in vaccines and autism.5
• Fact: People who claim there is a link between vaccines and autism often blame mercury, specifically the preservative thimerosal. MMR vaccines do not, nor have they ever, contained thimerosal. Chickenpox, inactivated polio virus, and pneumococcal conjugate vaccines have also never contained thimerosal. Some, but not all, flu vaccines do still contain thimerosal.6
• Fact: Thimerosal was taken out of other childhood vaccines in 2001 but rates of autism continue to climb - the opposite of what would be expected had the thimerosal caused autism.6
• Fact: Other vaccines not containing thimerosal have been shown to NOT be linked to higher rates of autism.2
• Opinion: Sound scientific research has again and again shown no link between autism and vaccines. It is time to spend the money finding the real causes and hopefully finding ways to treat children already diagnosed with autism, whether that involves drug, behavioral, dietary, or other therapies.
• Fact: Studies have been done that refute anecdotal evidence given by parents who claim their children were "fine" before being vaccinated and then developed autism as a result of vaccinations. Researchers were shown home videos of children at their first birthday parties, when parents claimed their children were still "fine" or autism-free. Some of the videos were of children later diagnosed as autistic and some videos were of children with continued normal development. Researchers were able to correctly identify which children would eventually be diagnosed with autism based on the behaviors observed in the videos.7 Unfortunately, more obvious signs of autism tend to develop in a time frame coinciding with childhood vaccinations leading parents to blame the vaccines when in fact their children were exhibiting signs earlier which the parents missed. Additionally, it is not uncommon for autistic children to develop skills and then later lose those skills. This is, indeed, an early warning sign of autism.

There is absolutely no evidence that vaccines cause autism, even with the increased numbers of vaccines given today compared to when I was a child. Vaccines save children's lives (fact). There is also no scientific basis for any alternative schedule, including that set forth by Dr.Sears. The Dr.Sears schedule is completely arbitrary whereas the CDC schedule is developed based on research and experience.

When even a relatively small portion of the population decides not to vaccinate their children it puts the rest of us at risk. In order to eradicate diseases, we must rely on "herd immunity". This is because not every person is adequately protected from the disease by the vaccination. But if the vast majority of the population is vaccinated then the disease has no way to circulate and infect those few who were not protected.

The thing that upsets me the most is that from the time my baby was born until she can be immunized she is susceptible to contracting these diseases (in some cases up to a year as with MMR). If the vast majority of the population were vaccinated, as they were when I was a child in the 1980s, this would not be a problem. But now with up to 25% choosing not to vaccinate, many potentially deadly diseases including measles and whooping cough (pertussis) are again circulating. Six children died recently in California (a state high in non-vaccination) from pertussis. This used to be exceedingly rare! So what if my baby or your baby was infected by an unvaccinated child before we were able to vaccinate them? What if my baby or your baby then died from that infection? I am not trying to use scare tactics, this is a reality. Ask the parents of the six infants who died because they were too young to have been immunized. Six children in one year in one state is too many when it is almost totally preventable. MMR vaccines are not given until 1 year of age, meaning my child is at risk from other non-vaccinated children for a whole year. That scares me. My pediatrician feels so strongly about vaccinating that she urges parents who are planning not to vaccinate to find another pediatrician who can go along with that plan with a clear conscience, because she cannot.

In my opinion, trying to avoid a risk factor for autism that isn't real and thereby putting your child and other peoples children at risk by not vaccinating is unwise at best and irresponsible at worst. I am vaccinating my child according to the CDC schedule and I would urge my family and friends to do the same. Know the facts, and the facts do not support delaying or opting out of vaccinations.

I may take heat for this and that is fine. I am not an expert on vaccinations and I am not an expert on autism but I am a concerned parent who did due diligence to educate myself about this topic. I do not have any financial or other interest in stating my case. My company does not make or develop vaccines and in fact does not have any product on the market as of yet. Something is causing the rise in autism diagnoses and the sooner we find the real cause and stop wasting money on something that is already refuted, the better.

Phew, if you made it through this whole post congrats and don't hate me!

1. www.autismspeaks.org/whatisit/index.php

2. www.autismsciencefoundation.org/autismandvaccines.html

3. articles.cnn.com/2010-02-02/health/lancet.retraction.autism_1_andrew-wakefield-mmr-vaccine-and-autism-general-medical-council?_s=PM:HEALTH

4. www.nytimes.com/2010/02/03/health/research/03lancet.html

5. pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2010/09/14/study-no-increased-autism-risk-from-mercury-based-preservative-in-vaccines/

6. www.cdc.gov/vaccinesafety/Concerns/Thimerosal/thimerosal_faqs.html

7. Osterling, Julie and Dawson, Geraldine, Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 1994, 24 (3). (Article entitled Early recognition of children with autism: A study of first birthday home videotapes)

Baby Weight

I missed my blogoversary two weeks ago. I knew it was coming but was too busy to post anything. I was actually planning to post a one year retrospective as a way to end my blog and then quit blogging. Somehow I guess that didn't happen because here I am, for now anyways.

So, on to my weight. I am annoyed with it. The number on the scale is going the wrong way! Yes, I had lost all but 2 pounds of my pregnancy weight. Now I am up 5, so 7 overall. Add that to the (at least) 5 pounds I would have liked to lose before I got pregnant. Realistically, I'd like to lose 10 pounds from right now.

Please don't bitch at me about only having to lose 10 pounds. I know this is by no means a serious problem. But there are several reasons I am frustrated by this.

1) I have always been thin. When I was a kid and teen I was downright skinny. I started high school weighing less than 100 pounds. All my life growing up I heard how skinny I was. All the time. I ate whatever I wanted and never had to worry about it. When society teaches us it's desirable to be thin and you have been your whole life, it's a bit hard to face that you may have to work for it now. (Again, don't yell at me. Thinness has been my only genetic gift. I guarantee you have better skin, nicer hair, straighter teeth, and bigger boobs than me. I'd keep the weight if someone would bump me up a cup size or two.)

2) I bought new clothes to go back to work two weeks ago and now even some of those are too small! Two out of five pairs of pants and at least one shirt. Dammit.

3) I don't believe in eating right and I don't believe in exercise. What I am really trying to say is that I am a junk food addict and I am lazy.

4) I have a very small frame and therefore do not carry extra weight well. If I said how much I weighed some people would probably murder me but I have friends of the same height who weigh more than I do now and look much better. It's also about being toned and muscular, neither of which I am anywhere near.

So now, what to do? As I said, I hate exercise. I find it so boring. Not to mention difficult. :) I like biking but that is kind of out of the question with an infant. My husband would want to come too and I hear it is frowned upon to leave babies home alone. Can you bike with a baby carrier on? That seems dangerous. But I also love to dance so I am thinking maybe one of those dance-type workouts? Have any of you tried those? I'm not talking about those ridiculous Flirty Girl fitness videos. I'm not installing a stripper pole in my living room. But something like Zumba? I would want to get videos because I don't want to get a gym membership. Even that may not work because if I want to buy something my husband will point to my chronically unused Tae.Bo and The.Firm videos. I hate those things.

The good news is that the weather will soon be nice here. It is almost outdoors time of the year here just as that is wrapping up for most of the country. We can go for walks but unless I do that every day for hours (obviously not likely) it will not be enough. Any other suggestions?

Four-legged Nannies

We have two four-legged nannies in the house. Well, one of them mostly just wants to lick Baby Girl. But one of our dogs always needs to know where Baby Girl is. If puppy is just in from outside she runs to find the baby. If she is just let out of her kennel, she runs to find the baby. She also responds to the smallest peep from Baby, running to her side. It is so cute. Last week I took a shower while the baby was supposedly sleeping. But by the time I got out she was crying. Screaming, really. Lucy (the dog) was whining too, knowing poor Baby needed us. I couldn't very well run to her whilst still naked so I quickly threw on some clothes, combed my hair and wrapped the towel around it, and brushed my teeth (because no baby deserves death breath). By the time I was finishing poor Lucy was so distressed that she let out the most pathetic whine. She takes good care of her baby! If only she had opposable thumbs.

Here's some proof of her concern back in one of the early days:



And being that I just broke the rules by posting a picture, why not more?

Here's the other puppy laying her head on Baby Girl:



A rare glimpse of the author herself (with nanny/puppy as always):



And the nannies taking a break from baby watching to sunbathe:



Ok, don't tell hubby about the pics!

Our Favorite Song

Ever since I heard this song years ago I knew I would one day sing it to my baby. I started singing it to her while I was pregnant. It was one of the things I was terrified to do because I was afraid it would make me too attached in case something bad happened. I think a lot of us do things like that even though deep down we realize that from the time we see those two lines or hear those beta results there is nothing we can do to keep a bad outcome from being devastating.

In any case, one day on the way home from work I could no longer resist and from then on we (baby and I) sang it on the way home almost every day. And now I can look at her little face and sing it to her. Sometimes it makes me cry and sometimes I just smile. I'm pretty sure she likes it too because it always gets her to stop crying and she just stares at me.

Singing it to her is every bit as good as I imagined it would be.

From my favorite band, Foo Fighters, this is 'Miracle'



Crazy but I believe this time
Begging for sweet relief
A blessing in disguise
Dying behind these tired eyes
I’ve been losing sleep
Please come to me tonight

Hands on a miracle
I got my hands on a miracle
Believe it or not, hands on a miracle
And there ain’t no way
I’d let you take it away

Everything that we’ve survived
It’s gonna be alright
Just lucky we’re alive
Got no vision
I’ve been blind
Searching everywhere
You’re right here in my sights

Hands on a miracle
I got my hands on a miracle
Believe it or not, hands on a miracle
And there ain’t no way
I’d let you take it away

Hands on a miracle
I got my hands on a miracle
Believe it or not, hands on a miracle
I got my hands on a miracle
And there ain’t no wa
I’d let you take it away
Take it away

One Month Update

Baby Girl is already over one month old! Wow! Actually she is now over 5 weeks considering how long it has taken me to get to this post.

Everything is going really well! Hubby is back at work which has been hard on both of us. We can't sleep in so we are more tired and if I want a shower it has to be at 6am, at which time I am usually still trying to get a few more minutes of sleep.

Baby girl has her good days and bad. Some days she is happy all day long and some days she is fussy all day long. She still was having issues with the gas so we decided to go back to trying the gas drops. The doctor said not to use both gripe.water and the gas drops. The gas drops seem to be doing a little better this time around and we can give them to her more frequently. I would say she cries just as much as any other baby but she seems so tortured by it that it breaks my heart. In general I know she is doing very well though.

At her one month appointment she weighed 8lb 8 oz. Wow! Even though that could be a normal birth weight it is two full pounds more than her birth weight. She is a good eater and has really filled out! No longer a skinny baby! She also had her second HepB shot and took it like a champ.

This past weekend we had hubby's parents, siblings and their significant others in town. They all had a great time meeting Baby Girl. Grandpa would hardly share with anyone else. He has been asking for grandkids for years and she is their first. She spent much time being adored! We also had her baptised on Sunday and it was a beautiful experience. I felt the pastor made it very special.

That's about all that's going on around here!

P.S. Someone asked about gripe.water. It contains ginger and fennel so it is supposed to be a more natural way to relieve tummy problems. It is indicated for "colic" so I am not sure it is the most effective thing for gas specifically. It may be very good for indigestion/reflux problems. Maybe that is why we are having more success with the gas drops since we are certain her discomfort is from gas.

Four Weeks

Hello all. I know it has been a while since I blogged. Baby Girl is four weeks old today and has been keeping us busy! For the last week and a half or so she has been very fussy. Ok, that is an understatement. She screamed at us off and on all day for a few days. All of a sudden our easy going quiet baby was gone. We suspected gas or tummy issues (even though my baby info book SWEARS to me that it's not gas). First we tried gas drops which helped a tiny bit and now we are using Gripe.Water which has made a huge difference. Screaming incidents have reduced to about twice a day for 10 minutes or less. Totally manageable! Hopefully when we go to the pediatrician tomorrow she will tell us this approach is ok!

Other than that issue things are going pretty well. Today is hubby's first day back at work. It didn't start off too well. I got less sleep last night than I have in weeks and I found out that hubby didn't follow our agreement which was to give Baby Girl gripe.water after every other feeding. So I woke up to hubby getting ready to leave me with a screaming baby. Luckily she calmed down and snoozed with me on the couch until the next feeding and now she is napping again. Thank goodness!

I was never able to post pics of the nursery because we weren't quite done when she decided to make her appearance! So without further ado, here are some pics of the nursery. I was worried about the stripes being too circus-y but I really like how it turned out! And my mom painted the animal picture hanging on the wall!

The One With the Birth Story

First and foremost, I want to thank all of you who have commented on my last two posts. From the bottom of my heart, truly thank you. I cried reading every comment. It meant so much to read your words of support, especially when I was struggling.

And now onto something better, our birth story!!

It all started with a meltdown. I'd like to say it was a mini-meltdown but that would be a lie. It was an all out crying, sobbing, irrational pity party. I had Monday off for the holiday and all day I was dreading going back to work. I just didn't want to do it anymore. I was uncomfortable and exhausted. I figured I had at least two weeks left of work, or maybe three if I went past my due date. It seemed daunting.

Anyway, I like to have everything ready for work and try to be in bed before 10:30pm. All of a sudden it was well past 10. I went upstairs to get clothes ready. I couldn't find anything that fit. All my button down shirts were stretched to the max. Everything else was too short and stuck out funny and you could see the panel of my maternity pants. The only things that still fit had just been worn the previous week. I got so frustrated and just gave up and figured I would address it in the morning.

Then I went downstairs to get my lunch ready. I stood in front of the fridge looking at the leftovers. I was going to need to repack things into single servings. I didn't want the food we had. I didn't want to even bother with it. I didn't want to have to go out for lunch the next day if I didn't pack anything. I looked at the clock and it was 10:45pm. I said, "How did it get so late so fast?!" Apparently hubby thought this was funny and laughed. Oh, that was it! I yelled, "Don't laugh at me! It's not funny!" and started bawling.

I went to the couch, which had been my bed for several weeks, and just cried. Hubby felt so bad. I sat there and tried to compose myself but I just couldn't stop crying. I probably cried on and off for almost an hour! Hubby told me I could stop working any time I wanted but I really didn't want to give up any pay. It worried me.

Finally I decided to try to get to sleep and hubby said he would sleep on the love seat for awhile. He fell asleep right away. At midnight I felt something like a contraction. Then I felt another one. At 12:16am I felt another one and thought that something might be up. I timed the next one and it came 8 minutes later. Then another one 8 minutes later. I woke up hubby and called to alert my mom. I told them I couldn't promise it was really it but I thought it could be. I told hubby we should go upstairs and finish packing my hospital bag with the last minute stuff.

The contractions continued to come every 8 minutes. I decided to take a shower and hubby could hear me breathing through contractions and said that they were now every 4 minutes. After my shower they continued every 4 minutes. I called my mom to tell her that we planned to leave for the hospital in about a half hour, once I had been having the 4-minutes for an hour, as instructed. She urged me to go right away. I told her I would finish getting ready and we would leave.

We soon left for the hospital and by the time we got there (less than 10 minute drive) the contractions were probably 3 minutes apart. The registration lady was surprised my contractions were so close together! We checked in and were taken to triage at 3:30 am. At this point I was still totally handling the contractions fine. I would breathe through them just fine. I was checked and was at 3 cm. The triage nurse told me I had to walk for an hour and show progress or else they would send me home. I knew there was no way they were sending me home at this point but I grudgingly went along with her little plan. She spent extra time monitoring me because she was having trouble keeping baby's heartbeat on the monitor so she told me I could go walk for just half an hour. My mom arrived and saw me in the hall but she had to wait until we were assigned a room.

The walking was torture. The contractions were getting BAD. I was now moaning through them and leaning on hubby and my lower back was killing me! It was fine when it was just cramping in the front but add in the extreme back pain and I wasn't handling it so well anymore. We returned to triage at least 5 minutes early, at about 4:30 am, and I told her I was ready to be checked. I was at 4.5 cm so she got me to a room. She obviously noticed how much worse I was doing and I was yelling about how bad my back hurt so as we walked through the door to my L&D room she asked if I was ready for an epidural. I said yes without really thinking about it. Then I hesitated for a moment because it was still so early. I had wanted to at least wait until I was dilated further but at the same time I didn't really care. I just wanted the back pain to stop.

My mom came in and the three of us waited for the epidural to come. My mom was trying to get me to breathe and relax during the contractions but I couldn't. I kept saying, "I can't I can't my back hurts too much!" Lying on my back I was in a terrible position for dealing with the contractions but they were prepping me for the epidural. My mom left at some point for some reason and after writhing and bitching through another contraction one of the nurses looked at me and said, "Ok, that one's done now" in a not very nice voice. I didn't like her.

Finally the epidural man arrived. I had two contractions while he got it going. It was extremely difficult to sit still and breathe through them but actually sitting up and bending over a pillow helped compared to lying in the bed. After it was in place he saw that I was really struggling through another two contractions so he told the nurse he was going to crank it up. God bless his soul.

After that my left leg went completely numb. They had me leaning that way so I wasn't flat on my back. I could still feel the contractions quite sharply in my lower right abdomen but as long as my back was ok I didn't care! But since I could still feel it the nurses propped me the other way and soon I felt nothing. Sweet, sweet nothing. Ahhh. I then could sleep, or at least doze. I was scared since I knew I hadn't slept in almost 24 hours. That was another reason I didn't feel bad about the epidural. I knew it could be trouble if I fought through labor for hours and then had to push.

I was a little scared the epidural would stall out labor. And then my mom kept saying how much lower the intensity of the contractions were since the epidural. She had me freaked out. Shortly after the epidural they checked me again and I was at 6.5 cm. I had a new nurse at this point and she said that they needed to see good progress or they would start pitocin because of the epidural. I obviously wanted to avoid that.

An hour later she came back to check again, probably about 8am. Her eyes got really big and she said, "Well your cervix is gone and that's a head!" I was stunned! I guess I didn't stall out! It was time to start pushing but I couldn't feel my left leg or butt at all! I told her I didn't know how I would push but we tried anyway. She said it really just wasn't effective since I had no idea what I was supposed to do. She said, "Well, we could keep doing this and it will probably take two or three hours..." and I said, "Or...??". She said we could wait about an hour and see if baby would work her way down a little farther and maybe my epidural would wear off a little. Apparently the anesthesiologist had really cranked it because I never pushed the boost button!

Anyway, she sat me straight up with my legs pulled in towards my body and I sat for about an hour. Over the hour I started feeling the pressure of baby's head down there. Then I could move my left foot again. Then finally I could identify when I was having contractions. She came back and I told her all the developments and she was happy. She said we would start pushing but we had to make it count because she could tell baby was starting to get stressed. Her heart rate was dropping with each contraction but rebounding fine and it wasn't concerning just yet.

So at about 9am I started pushing. After a while she said I was really getting it. It was so hard to know what to do! But once she kept saying I was doing good then I would try to just keep it up. And once hubby started really seeing the head and saying "WOW!" as I was pushing it was really encouraging. I tried not to push with my face or neck, which was really hurting, but it was so hard when I couldn't feel much down under. Finally I got my neck out of the equation but that was as good as I could do. Soon they called my doctor in and a bunch more nurses showed up, including the team for the baby. Oh, I forgot to mention that they had asked me if they could bring students in so both my nurse and the baby's nurse had a student with them. My nurse's student was a male and I didn't care but at that point it felt like a lot of people in the room!

I had no idea how close I was because it was only a couple more pushes and she came shooting out! All in all it was so easy and I never felt a thing! No pain whatsoever associated with the pushing or her coming out. Epidurals are amazing I am telling you! She was born at 10:28 am.

But this is when things went bad. They had told me what to expect when she was born. Hubby would cut the cord and then they would hand her to me so I could see her. Then they would take her, clean her up, and assess her vitals. Then hubby would take her and bring her to me to nurse and commence with the bonding! Unfortunately, that is not at all how it went.

Right away I could tell something was wrong. She wasn't crying and my doctor quick clamped and cut her cord and handed her to the nurse. I could see that they were shoving a tube down her nose. The doctor told me she wasn't breathing but they would get it taken care of. I tried to remain calm and no one was rushing in and they weren't rushing her out so I figured it was ok so far. Soon she was crying but it was muffled by the oxygen mask they had on her. I felt relieved when I heard her cry but then the nurse just kept working on her. I heard her say that she needed more crying, needed more movement. Apparently she had come out completely limp too. The longer they took the more I panicked. Nobody was telling me anything. I kept asking what was wrong and they just kept telling me she was fine. I knew she wasn't fine because she wasn't in my arms yet. Then my tears of joy turned to tears of panic and my mom could tell I was freaking out. So then my mom almost fainted and they called for help for her! She recovered quickly though and they cancelled the call. Yikes!

I really just wish they would have been more honest with me about what was going on. They didn't do me any favors by brushing it off. It turns out that she had aspirated a lot of fluid. They had to get the fluid out and get her breathing better and moving her arms and legs. My mom later asked the doctor if everything really was ok and she said yes, everything was fine and this wasn't all that uncommon. Again, I just wished they would have been more forthcoming and I wouldn't have freaked out so much. Hubby said he knew everything was fine because he was right over there. Thanks for telling me!

So finally hubby was able to bring me my bundle. Then the biggest problem was that I was trying not to sob and snot all over my baby! Oh, the tears of joy and relief. And she was so little! Just 6 lbs 7 oz but 20 inches long. I had a small amount of tearing (thank you small baby!) and the placenta came out fine.

Other than the scare, our baby girl is perfect. The rest of the time at the hospital every new nurse said she heard we had a rough start. Apparently I was the most exciting thing that happened that night! It's a small hospital!

Baby Girl knew mama did not want to go back to work! What a good girl for saving me! Now I don't have to go back until September 1st.

She has been everything I ever dreamed and more. I recently told hubby that I have everything I have ever wanted. I am truly blessed.

Thanks for following along with me. All I ever wish and pray for all of you is for your own baby dreams to come true.

P.S. I promised pics and her name to those who provided their email addresses. I will get to it, I promise! And send me more if you still want to get in on that!